Once upon a time there was a young lady (me) and every year she went to visit her grandmother in Riviera, TX on this day. We never really "celebrated" Thanksgiving because this day is stupid and we all knew it. But we did all get together and pigged out on her yummy tortillas made of yummy manteca One year, the first of many rebellious years, I decided I was making falafel and everyone would eat it. They all indulged me and ate it. After the teen years I started hosting NO THANKS parties. Invited all my nearest and dearest and we partied and ate all kinds of apps ans zerts. That lasted a good number of years. Then I just hated this day and all it stood for. Still do actually. Really really do. I married someone who loves this day and has a family that loves this day. I have dutifully made Turkey and all the fixings for twelve years and had our parents over and it is literally the one day of the year I actually cook.
I still do not like this day. But I thought long and hard about this day today. When I was a kid in school we learned that the Pilgrims came to this country and the "indians" welcomed them and it was celebrated on this day and this is why we give thanks. That seemed to be the party line, but now that I'm an adult with a family of my own I wonder what my kids learn in school and what I as a mom who understands the world and is a free thinking am supposed to be teaching them about this day.
So according to my 7 year old today is about... nothing. He doesn't recall talking about this at all at school, but he also took a nap during journal time so he isn't a reliable source. Cool that's great because it means I don't have to pretend to like some sideways colored pilgrim. But it doesn't really let me off the hook. See this has to be one of the most ironic days ever... especially this November 2012. See according to what I learned in school, these "pilgrims" came over from another country and didn't speak the language and started making homes for themselves but didn't understand the land. So the people that already lived here, instead of forcing them to go back, helped them and taught them how to live on the land. You know that is what we're THANKFUL FOR... right?
So how ironic that two hundred plus years later there are people coming to this country and instead of welcoming and teaching we are punishing and killing? Why is this important? Well I can't in good faith teach my kid this lesson or allow him to think that only some groups are accepted while others are not. But more importantly I need EVERYONE to understand that.
I am Mexican American. I was born here, my parents were born here, their parents were born here and their parent's parents were born here. I am an American in the truest sense of the word because my gene pool has been here FOREVER. We didn't cross an ocean and we weren't forced over here. We are here.
I don't even know anyone from Mexico or have relatives that I know of from there or any other Latin American country. So why do I care? Because it is important. We have to understand that all people that come to this country are not evil doers and are not sinister. They may have different cultural norms, but don't we all? Today for instance means different things to different people.
Another reason this is important to me is because I'm a brown person. The color of my skin, eyes and hair say that I'm not from Europe. So even though my blood was born on this land, at the airport I'm detained almost EVERY TIME I leave DC. I'm lucky enough to be asked if I'm from the middle east or Mexico and if I have papers to prove I can be here. Proof I can be here? I am here and here is me.
I am this land. This land is made from my people, it is the color of my hair, my eyes and my skin. We have welcomed those people from Europe even when they took things away from us, we welcomed those that were forced here and made them our brothers and sisters.
So on this day of thanks I ask everyone to think about me and think about my mom and dad and my 80 plus year old grandparents. All of us work, pay taxes, own property and served this country through military or public service... so why am I questioned on whether or not I belong here and why are those individuals that are the color of this land unwelcome?
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Akin's Army of Woman Haters
A friend of mine posted the link below to FB today. I read it and it hurt so much to read it. I have been doing my best to avoid talking about this subject since it was blasted. But here we are, I watched the interview with Rep. Akin, I heard him say the words. I watched it again and listened again.
First things first, this guy is an asshole. Period. Ok ok so I'm a liberal leftist so that's biased in most people's eyes, but let's strip all that away. What the fuck is legitimate rape? No really? What is legitimate rape? I don't even know what that means. I can't begin to describe how awful it is to know that there are people who would even utter those words. Then I started doing the research, sure there's the "I hate Mitt Romney" and "Ryan is a douchebag" pages that give stats on their voting records and talk about how Ryan wants to redefine rape. But how do you really redefine rape?
Think about all the women in the service who are raped by their peers. Once upon a time our government didn't allow women in combat for fear of capture and sexual assault as a POW. But we have a low percentage of that and a high incidence of rape by their fellow servicemen. But is it legitimate?
Let's talk about date rape or rape by way of being drugged, stranger rape, gang rape, child rape, rape of a man, rape, rape, rape, rape rape!!!! Say it: rape. All of the rape scenarios involve the same damn thing, being forced against your will.
Rep. Akin and like minded thinkers need to stop for a moment and read the link below. It is so moving and eye opening and uplifting. Rep. Akin I want to know if you knew what it is like to be forced to endure a pain from something that you are supposed to share with someone intimately. Do you understand how it feels to feel your flesh tear and to feel and smell the breath of someone you hate? At which point does the body turn off the potential for conception? Is it supposed to occur while you're focused on an object in the room trying to remove yourself from your body or while you have your eyes closed wondering why time is going by so damn slow telling yourself you will make it through this?
Or what about the fact that rape is sexual in nature because there are those individuals who feel that is how you conquer someone? In our country is sex not everywhere? In media, in politics, in policies and procedures at work? Or in that unspoken certainty when you meet someone you could fall in love with that sex is part of the deal when you get to that point? Having said all that, and knowing that all day everyday those things are all around us is a rape survivor not reminded regularly of the heinous act that was endured?
All that said, all the rhetoric, all the controversy, all the media bytes at what point do we step back and begin as a nation, as a gender to address the real issue? At the end of the day it isn't about rape or abortion or when a human life starts. It's about exerting control over women. How often do we hear about morality laws governing men and their promiscuity? Whether your pro-choice or pro-life makes no difference. We, women, are half the population, we work, pay taxes, own businesses, on top of giving birth. We endure and endure and endure. The thing I don't understand about regulating things that impact women is that the Rep. Akins of the world don't give a shit about the person until it impacts them personally. So all of the women out there who have been victims of rape (the men too) are faceless.
You don't care about the days they had to miss from work to recover from the physical trauma, or how you take the extra day because you keep reliving the questions the police ask you or the bullshit exam that you know will never be DNA tested and how silly it is as you lay back and get your pubic hair combed. You almost laugh thinking about it except that you would never be on that table had you not had the surreal experience you just had.
In closing, Rep. Akin and your army of woman haters if you don't want us to have access to abortions or whatever else you think we shouldn't have access to say it. Stand on your soap box and call us all sinners, but how dare you have the audacity to trivialize an act so heinous. You know nothing of strength or courage. You hide behind words becasue the world around you is changing and you're not ready. Stop using words that metaphorically rape us again.
http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/dear-representative-todd-akin-i-got-pregnant-from-rape?utm_medium=facebook
First things first, this guy is an asshole. Period. Ok ok so I'm a liberal leftist so that's biased in most people's eyes, but let's strip all that away. What the fuck is legitimate rape? No really? What is legitimate rape? I don't even know what that means. I can't begin to describe how awful it is to know that there are people who would even utter those words. Then I started doing the research, sure there's the "I hate Mitt Romney" and "Ryan is a douchebag" pages that give stats on their voting records and talk about how Ryan wants to redefine rape. But how do you really redefine rape?
Think about all the women in the service who are raped by their peers. Once upon a time our government didn't allow women in combat for fear of capture and sexual assault as a POW. But we have a low percentage of that and a high incidence of rape by their fellow servicemen. But is it legitimate?
Let's talk about date rape or rape by way of being drugged, stranger rape, gang rape, child rape, rape of a man, rape, rape, rape, rape rape!!!! Say it: rape. All of the rape scenarios involve the same damn thing, being forced against your will.
Rep. Akin and like minded thinkers need to stop for a moment and read the link below. It is so moving and eye opening and uplifting. Rep. Akin I want to know if you knew what it is like to be forced to endure a pain from something that you are supposed to share with someone intimately. Do you understand how it feels to feel your flesh tear and to feel and smell the breath of someone you hate? At which point does the body turn off the potential for conception? Is it supposed to occur while you're focused on an object in the room trying to remove yourself from your body or while you have your eyes closed wondering why time is going by so damn slow telling yourself you will make it through this?
Or what about the fact that rape is sexual in nature because there are those individuals who feel that is how you conquer someone? In our country is sex not everywhere? In media, in politics, in policies and procedures at work? Or in that unspoken certainty when you meet someone you could fall in love with that sex is part of the deal when you get to that point? Having said all that, and knowing that all day everyday those things are all around us is a rape survivor not reminded regularly of the heinous act that was endured?
All that said, all the rhetoric, all the controversy, all the media bytes at what point do we step back and begin as a nation, as a gender to address the real issue? At the end of the day it isn't about rape or abortion or when a human life starts. It's about exerting control over women. How often do we hear about morality laws governing men and their promiscuity? Whether your pro-choice or pro-life makes no difference. We, women, are half the population, we work, pay taxes, own businesses, on top of giving birth. We endure and endure and endure. The thing I don't understand about regulating things that impact women is that the Rep. Akins of the world don't give a shit about the person until it impacts them personally. So all of the women out there who have been victims of rape (the men too) are faceless.
You don't care about the days they had to miss from work to recover from the physical trauma, or how you take the extra day because you keep reliving the questions the police ask you or the bullshit exam that you know will never be DNA tested and how silly it is as you lay back and get your pubic hair combed. You almost laugh thinking about it except that you would never be on that table had you not had the surreal experience you just had.
In closing, Rep. Akin and your army of woman haters if you don't want us to have access to abortions or whatever else you think we shouldn't have access to say it. Stand on your soap box and call us all sinners, but how dare you have the audacity to trivialize an act so heinous. You know nothing of strength or courage. You hide behind words becasue the world around you is changing and you're not ready. Stop using words that metaphorically rape us again.
http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/dear-representative-todd-akin-i-got-pregnant-from-rape?utm_medium=facebook
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Lesson 1
My friend Mark recently posted an article about the Kansas GOP House Speaker "praying" for the Obama children to be fatherless and their mom be widow (see link). Since I am dedicating my blog to passive aggressive racism I think this is a good lesson to begin with. One of the comments on Mark’s link was that the good thing about Obama being elected is that it let us all know who is really a racist.
I laughed so hard at that statement, but found so much truth in it. I remember a time, even during the much hated Clinton administration when the office of the President of the United States was highly respected. Why the change? Why the need to feel like you can speak so freely about the disdain for the President of the free world. I am truly bothered by the ease and comfort and the sense of empowered certain people feel saying these types of things.
This is a prime example of passive aggressive racism. Just say you hate having a black president, it’s almost like people are going out of their way to attack him for all sorts of things. The disclaimer before I go on is that I myself don’t agree with many of his policies although I did vote for the man. But spending time on things like authenticity of a birth certificate, or saying things like “who wants a Harvard law professor as a leader“ just make me think, really? Aren’t most politicians lawyers? Now we have a lawyer leading us who is from one of the most prestigious law schools in the country and all of a sudden it isn’t good enough?
Passive aggressive racism is something we sort of have to laugh at. While it’s horrible and sets us all back a hundred years (really only about 60), I cannot put my head around why people don’t just say what they mean. Say you hate being represented by a black man, say you hate that a black man is married to a strong black woman and they are uber educated and still married and the biological parents of their children, say you can’t stand the fact that their very existence goes against all the things that society tries to perpetuate about people of color… but don’t, especially if you’re a “good Christian with family values” wish death and despair upon any family. That is just evil.
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/01/13/403911/kansas-gop-house-speaker-prays-that-obamas-children-be-fatherless-and-his-wife-a-widow/?mobile=nc
I laughed so hard at that statement, but found so much truth in it. I remember a time, even during the much hated Clinton administration when the office of the President of the United States was highly respected. Why the change? Why the need to feel like you can speak so freely about the disdain for the President of the free world. I am truly bothered by the ease and comfort and the sense of empowered certain people feel saying these types of things.
This is a prime example of passive aggressive racism. Just say you hate having a black president, it’s almost like people are going out of their way to attack him for all sorts of things. The disclaimer before I go on is that I myself don’t agree with many of his policies although I did vote for the man. But spending time on things like authenticity of a birth certificate, or saying things like “who wants a Harvard law professor as a leader“ just make me think, really? Aren’t most politicians lawyers? Now we have a lawyer leading us who is from one of the most prestigious law schools in the country and all of a sudden it isn’t good enough?
Passive aggressive racism is something we sort of have to laugh at. While it’s horrible and sets us all back a hundred years (really only about 60), I cannot put my head around why people don’t just say what they mean. Say you hate being represented by a black man, say you hate that a black man is married to a strong black woman and they are uber educated and still married and the biological parents of their children, say you can’t stand the fact that their very existence goes against all the things that society tries to perpetuate about people of color… but don’t, especially if you’re a “good Christian with family values” wish death and despair upon any family. That is just evil.
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/01/13/403911/kansas-gop-house-speaker-prays-that-obamas-children-be-fatherless-and-his-wife-a-widow/?mobile=nc
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Racism
I had this idea a few years ago after a conversation I had with some friends about the 2008 Presidential elections. It was Obama vs McCain and I was with a group of friends, a mixed group of people, politically from liberal, conservative to one that really never voted ever. One of my friends said, "Obama should win so they realize, finally, they are equal". I was really taken aback by her statement. I assume she meant African Americans by "they" and it was really funny and sort of an oxymoron to me because if you're saying "they" to refer to a group of people then "they" probably aren't seen in the same light anyway.
We all know of course that Obama did win and it was a huge symbolic acheivement, but it didn't change much for the "they" or really any of us that are not the dominant culture that runs shit in America.
I started this blog as a way to vent things and never really have taken advantage of it. As I get older and more set in my ways and much more cynical I look back on conversations like that and hope that I would have gotten more up in arms, but really there comes a point where you are so used to that shit and people that make comments are also equally used to saying stuff like that that they don't even know that it is offensive.
So back to the top, I had this idea for a book and blew it off and opted instead for a blog. The book was going to be titled "Passive Aggressive Racism" (if anyone steals it please list me as your inspiration). It was going to be about those instances in our lives or the lives of people of color that have to try harder or overcome a stereotype just to be seen as equal.
For those of you in that dominant culture I spoke about, not all of you feel or act this way, and I certainly do not keep company with people that make me feel uncomfortable. The reality is it is not just white people that say jacked up things, we all say them and we are all offensive at any given time about various race and ethnic groups and genders and sexual orientations. Having said ALL THAT I am going to start my book via blog and talk about some of those experiences.
I will discuss those instances where I have often had to clarify things and the person saying them didn't use malice or intend to be offensive, hence passive aggressive racism, but the things they said were offensive and sparked disdain and really everyone should know that certain things are in fact offensive.
So from this point on be prepared to be amazed and entertained by the stories you hear here. Some of them are so unbeleivable you have to wonder WHY I haven't been arrested for assault, hell I wonder how I've kept my cool sometimes. But I did and I share all this knowledge, wisdom and experience with you. I also welcome you to email me some of your stories so I can share them to: monicadelarosa77@gmail.com
We all know of course that Obama did win and it was a huge symbolic acheivement, but it didn't change much for the "they" or really any of us that are not the dominant culture that runs shit in America.
I started this blog as a way to vent things and never really have taken advantage of it. As I get older and more set in my ways and much more cynical I look back on conversations like that and hope that I would have gotten more up in arms, but really there comes a point where you are so used to that shit and people that make comments are also equally used to saying stuff like that that they don't even know that it is offensive.
So back to the top, I had this idea for a book and blew it off and opted instead for a blog. The book was going to be titled "Passive Aggressive Racism" (if anyone steals it please list me as your inspiration). It was going to be about those instances in our lives or the lives of people of color that have to try harder or overcome a stereotype just to be seen as equal.
For those of you in that dominant culture I spoke about, not all of you feel or act this way, and I certainly do not keep company with people that make me feel uncomfortable. The reality is it is not just white people that say jacked up things, we all say them and we are all offensive at any given time about various race and ethnic groups and genders and sexual orientations. Having said ALL THAT I am going to start my book via blog and talk about some of those experiences.
I will discuss those instances where I have often had to clarify things and the person saying them didn't use malice or intend to be offensive, hence passive aggressive racism, but the things they said were offensive and sparked disdain and really everyone should know that certain things are in fact offensive.
So from this point on be prepared to be amazed and entertained by the stories you hear here. Some of them are so unbeleivable you have to wonder WHY I haven't been arrested for assault, hell I wonder how I've kept my cool sometimes. But I did and I share all this knowledge, wisdom and experience with you. I also welcome you to email me some of your stories so I can share them to: monicadelarosa77@gmail.com
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Who are immigrants?
What is the rationale behind hating immigrants? I think I might be missing something. After following the Brisenia Flores story and watching a documentary called the Order of the Myth I thought a lot about the history of this country and where we are now relative to how we feel about people, those like us and those not like us. I have been reading a book for school titled Invitation to Law & Society by Kitty Calavita and she says something very interesting:
"If law shapes how we live, it also shapes how we talk, and so how we think. At the most basic level, law creates conceptual categories and determines their contents and boundaries. As I write this, there is a heated debate in the United States about whether immigrants take jobs away from citizens. Beyond the specifics of this debate, consider how law shapes the thought process that underlies it. Without immigration law, there is no category of 'immigrant' (AS THERE WASN'T WHEN EUROPEAN EXPLORERS 'IMMIGRATED' TO THE SHORES OF WHAT WAS TO BECOME THE AMERICAS). The point may seem trivial until we recognize how much a part of natural reality this legal category and others like it seem, and how critical to our very thought process."
So is Calavita saying that the issue of immigration is only an issue because it was defined as a legal issue? Why is it a legal issue? Why do we not want people from other countries in America? Did we sell the idea of the American dream and our form of economy and government too well?
"If law shapes how we live, it also shapes how we talk, and so how we think. At the most basic level, law creates conceptual categories and determines their contents and boundaries. As I write this, there is a heated debate in the United States about whether immigrants take jobs away from citizens. Beyond the specifics of this debate, consider how law shapes the thought process that underlies it. Without immigration law, there is no category of 'immigrant' (AS THERE WASN'T WHEN EUROPEAN EXPLORERS 'IMMIGRATED' TO THE SHORES OF WHAT WAS TO BECOME THE AMERICAS). The point may seem trivial until we recognize how much a part of natural reality this legal category and others like it seem, and how critical to our very thought process."
So is Calavita saying that the issue of immigration is only an issue because it was defined as a legal issue? Why is it a legal issue? Why do we not want people from other countries in America? Did we sell the idea of the American dream and our form of economy and government too well?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Not even a murdered child is safe from hate
Today CNN reported that funerals of the victims of the Tuscon shooting were going to be protested by the infamous Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. Specifically the funeral of the 9 year old girl who was killed. (www.cnn.com/2011/US/01/11/arizona.funeral.westboro/index.html?hpt=T1)
Most of you who know me know that I am a die hard liberal beyond left beyond even the democratic party lines, and yes I like Obama and no I've never voted Republican and in my younger days I protested the shit out of everything... except the funeral of a child and for that matter any funeral.
Regardless of our political affiliations or philisophical views on issues when is it ok to pour salt in the wound of a grieving family? Especially one that lost a child?
CNN also reported that the "angels" that sheilded the family at the Matthew Shepard funeral plan to do the same at this funeral and those of the other Tuscon victims. If you're not familiar with the "angels" check out the movie the "Laramie Project".
If you're a fan of Westboro Church and support their protests please explain to me the purpose of the protests. I know they were present for the Matthew Shepard funeral, but I don't know why. Is it because they believe homosexuallity is wrong? I understand they also protest at the funerals of soldiers and even Coretta Scott King, but again, why?
While I do have strong views about everything I don't care to impose my views on others, instead, if I don't agree with you I do let you know why I disagree, but I would never assume that the other person is so fickle that they would turn and agree with me with just a few words (i.e. that means stop doing it to me). But I do like to understand why people have different views. So I went to the Westboro Baptist Church website to perhaps understand why.
It appears that their website is indeed derogatory with the actual word "hate" as part of the web address. Although I am not naive and know hate exists I was quite disappointed to confirm the reach of that hate and the vigor. It made me sad to know that people hate so intensely, but it made me angry that for all of their views, which our country allows all of us to have, that they would choose to impose them on a family who lost their child.
Their child didn't have cancer, nor was she hit by a car riding her bike. She was killed by a violent act. The Westboro Church would like to capitalize on this act, instead of praying with the family for their loss they would like to exacerbate the violence.
People are blaming political rhetoric and the fact that some can't deal with a black president, fairly elected. Even I put up the Sarah Palin cross hair poster as a form of protest on FB. Whatever you're views on healthcare or the president or abortion or civil rights the fact remails that at the end of the day we live in a country where not even a murdered child is safe from hate.
Most of you who know me know that I am a die hard liberal beyond left beyond even the democratic party lines, and yes I like Obama and no I've never voted Republican and in my younger days I protested the shit out of everything... except the funeral of a child and for that matter any funeral.
Regardless of our political affiliations or philisophical views on issues when is it ok to pour salt in the wound of a grieving family? Especially one that lost a child?
CNN also reported that the "angels" that sheilded the family at the Matthew Shepard funeral plan to do the same at this funeral and those of the other Tuscon victims. If you're not familiar with the "angels" check out the movie the "Laramie Project".
If you're a fan of Westboro Church and support their protests please explain to me the purpose of the protests. I know they were present for the Matthew Shepard funeral, but I don't know why. Is it because they believe homosexuallity is wrong? I understand they also protest at the funerals of soldiers and even Coretta Scott King, but again, why?
While I do have strong views about everything I don't care to impose my views on others, instead, if I don't agree with you I do let you know why I disagree, but I would never assume that the other person is so fickle that they would turn and agree with me with just a few words (i.e. that means stop doing it to me). But I do like to understand why people have different views. So I went to the Westboro Baptist Church website to perhaps understand why.
It appears that their website is indeed derogatory with the actual word "hate" as part of the web address. Although I am not naive and know hate exists I was quite disappointed to confirm the reach of that hate and the vigor. It made me sad to know that people hate so intensely, but it made me angry that for all of their views, which our country allows all of us to have, that they would choose to impose them on a family who lost their child.
Their child didn't have cancer, nor was she hit by a car riding her bike. She was killed by a violent act. The Westboro Church would like to capitalize on this act, instead of praying with the family for their loss they would like to exacerbate the violence.
People are blaming political rhetoric and the fact that some can't deal with a black president, fairly elected. Even I put up the Sarah Palin cross hair poster as a form of protest on FB. Whatever you're views on healthcare or the president or abortion or civil rights the fact remails that at the end of the day we live in a country where not even a murdered child is safe from hate.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Shackles
NPR junkie that I am... I was reading/listening to this story about how many women who give birth while incarcerated are often shackled to their beds while in labor (see story: Difficult Births Laboring and Delivering in Shackles - NPR.org)
Needless to say I was appalled. Since I have in fact given birth and those of you who know me know what a horrendous experience it was I couldn't help but wonder how much more difficult it could have been had I been SHACKLED to the bed by my wrist and ankle.
We could get into the debate on whether or not any of us would be in a situation of being incarcerated to begin with, but I feel very strongly that restraining a woman, any woman, while giving birth is inhumane.
I know you uber-conservatives (you know who you are) are probably saying, well she shouldn't have done XYZ, or murderers don't deserve special treatment, blah, blah, blah. Well according to the report some of the women were in jail for check fraud and retail theft, eons from heinous and yet still were shackled to their beds when they brought their children into the world.
The thing is, childbirth is one of those things that is completely indescribable. It is so unique to each one of us that even when moms share their birthing stories it is just that to the listener, a story, because their own experience is going to be so much different. No matter how many books you read or how much you prepare you really have NO IDEA what to expect when the time comes.
I realize that the women in the report violated the law, I in no way, condone law breaking behavior, but I can't help but think that those institutions that still practice this procedure are violating something greater. There are many women who feel their greatest accomplishment is having their children and yet there is a small group who are being punished for doing just that.
I encourage everyone to read/listen to this report it was very fascinating. Let me know your thoughts.
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